Si Robertson, the youngest brother of Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson, spoke publicly for the first time about his brother’s death.

Si Robertson and other members of the Duck Dynasty and Duck Commander teams gathered to remember Phil Robertson in a new episode of the Duck Call Room podcast that was released Tuesday. Phli Robertson died Sunday, May 25, at the age of 79.

The podcast episode, titled “Phil, We Tried Not To, But We Cried,” started out with the men openly mourning Phil Robertson’s death.

Co-host Justin Martin wore sunglasses in an attempt to hide his tears, while John David Owen didn’t hide his tears as he wiped them away with a tissue. The men addressed a quote made by Phil a few years ago in which he told his children that when he died he didn’t want them to cry.

“When I die, don’t cry. Sing. Dance. But don’t cry when I die. When I die, you say, ‘He made it,’” Phil stated.

However, the podcast hosts made it clear that they weren’t able to honor Phil’s wishes.

Si admitted that he is struggling to come to terms with the fact that his big brother is gone.

“I’m having a hard time adjusting to it,” Si admitted. “I’ve been his sidekick and he’s been the main star for 79 years of his life and 77 of mine.”

Si fought back tears as he shared that he is the last child left of seven born to his parents. And though he grieved the deaths of his other siblings, none of them affected them like Phil’s death has.

“I’m having a hard time getting my balance back, so to speak,” Si said.

The men shared testimonies about Phil’s commitment to sharing the gospel with everyone he met and shared some light-hearted memories of their late friend.

One memory they all laughed at was the fact that Phil “had an aroma about him.” Si shared that his brother didn’t believe in washing his hunting clothes. And in a previous podcast episode, it was shared that Phil only showered once a week.

Phil was also remembered as “one of the smartest human beings” they’ve ever known. Stories were shared about Phil’s unconventional problem-solving methods and incredible knowledge of the land.

The men shared stories for over an hour before the conversation became somber again.

Si got emotional again as he recalled some special moments he shared with his brother. He told his co-hosts that “life is tough.” But he finds peace knowing that Phil is “with the Creator. There’s no more tears. There’s no more sorrow. He’s put his time in. And I think the last 50+ years he put it in with God. He never missed an opportunity, if he had one person, that person was going to hear about Jesus Christ the Messiah.”

He added that while he is mourning the death of his brother, he is also rejoicing that Phil is now whole and happy.

“My brother has left this earth. The fleshly tent he was in, it wasn’t in good shape. His back was broke. He didn’t have a quality of life. And I am thankful the Almighty called him home. He’s happy because he’s with the Creator right now. These are not tears of sadness. These are tears of joy. These are tears of victory.”

Si Shares How He Knew Phil Had Died

On Wednesday, Si Robertson sat down once again to talk about his big brother. Si, his nephew Zach Dasher, Zach’s wife Jill, and Justin Martin reminisced about Phil in a new episode of the Unashamed podcast. During the conversation, Si shared that he woke up on Sunday morning knowing Phil had died even before he received the phone call.

“I knew before the phone call came. I got up and I felt totally alone,” Si said. “I’m never alone, but I felt so lonely.”

Si added that he felt like something was wrong all the way to church. “Something’s not right. I don’t feel right,” he said. “Then Phillip called and said, ‘Phil passed away at 5 o’clock.’ I said, ‘Well, I already knew.’ I’d already felt it.”

Si admitted that he had been praying that the Lord would call Phil home because “Phil wasn’t Phil.” They knew he was going stir crazy not being able to be on the land he loved and enjoy the hobbies he used to enjoy, and felt that God was merciful to take him to heaven when He did.

Watch Si Robertson and the men of Duck Call Room pay tribute to Phil Robertson in the video below.